Fate

Spoke to a friend yesterday about the exact thing I spoke of in my last blog (Oct 08). Just checked her blog, and was finally inspired to write my own. Well again that is. I had apparently already been inspired once before in Oct, and somehow happened to recreate a blog that already existed. Now I'm baffled, because from her blog, I clicked create blog, only to end up back here, where I once wrote, but had completely forgotten! Where is fate trying to take me here?

I decided to write today because I'm feeling some of those same feelings. Apparently my coping skills kick in instinctively telling me to write it down. Let it out. My son sits here and watches "Cars". We are waiting for the new baby to arrive, trying to stay in and not catch any more illnesses. The time just doesn't move. It's been a long time since I've wished for more time. Like when I was younger, and wanted to play at the park just a little bit longer. What do I love to do so much these days, that I would wish for more time? I guess I need to find something. It used to be teaching my son, apparently until around October of last year. He was a studious little lad before that time, always paying close attention to detail, and sitting with me in wonder with eagerness for hours.

So is it me, or him? I lost interest in the repetitive play really fast. I could never ever be a factory worker, or paper pusher. I need to think, and solve problems, and relate to people. His creative pretend play is still too repetitive for me, and I am ashamed to say, I just hate it. I am 30 years old, but still really love to pretend and imagine, but not about the same two dinosaurs roaring at each other over and over. And I guess I can only pretend to cook eggs and noodles a couple of times as well. I guess I'm just really horrible at taking care of a two year old for more than about 2 hours!

We woke up this morning at 6:30 a.m. A little earlier than usual, but not much. Got up and ate breakfast as usual. Max finally started feeding himself with a spoon at 26 months! He just refused to make a mess, and there is no learning to eat, with no mess. Anyway, he ate his cherrio's, and I ate mine. I've given in to letting him watch a cartoon after that, while I check my email and bank account etc. After breakfast, we generally do some activities at the table, and listen to music. We play a few musical games, read some books, and then go and get dressed for the day... in no particular order.

Today, we have done EVERYTHING we normally do - for the entire day, and it's only 10:39 a.m. Even the bath and movie afterward (in progress). It's scary. What are we going to do the rest of this day? Can we really just spend our lives from here on out watching T.V.? I will not have it! I hate the notion of watching it even once a day! Where will this road take us? We not only have 9 more hours to fill today, but 3 more years before school! I'm really scared.